Jimmy Kimmel on Trump: ‘He uses his bones to feel things instead of his brain’

Late-night hosts on Monday discussed the Academy Awards, Maga’s incoherent statements on the Iran war and raised an eyebrow to Donald Trump’s claims of support from an anonymous former president.

Jimmy Kimmel

On Jimmy Kimmel Live, the host focused on Trump’s comments to the press in week three of the Iran war, or as Kimmel called it “Operation Epsteino Distracto”.

On Truth Social, Trump wrote that it was a “great honour” to kill “scumbags” in Iran.

“He’s been talking very tough for a guy who seems to almost be in a coma right now,” Kimmel said.

“Even with all the killing he has been enjoying so much, he is very low energy lately,” the host continued. “He talks like he’s a little drunk. He’s slurring. He’s sleepy. He’s double fisting Diet Cokes.”

When asked by Fox News on Friday when the war would be over, Trump said: “When I feel it. When I feel it in my bones.”

“That’s the problem: he uses his bones to feel things instead of his brain,” Kimmel joked. “He doesn’t know when this war is going to be over.

“The only war Trump had an exit plan for was Vietnam,” he added, referencing Trump dodging the draft in the 1960s.

In an interview on Air Force One, Trump also targeted Kimmel’s network of ABC over their coverage of the Iran war.

“I think it’s pretty criminal because our media companies who have no credibility whatsoever are putting out information that they know is false,” said Trump. “It’s a very serious thing for the country. I think they could be in serious jeopardy.”

“Look out Ken Jennings, we are in serious jeopardy,” deadpanned Kimmel. “It’s not Celebrity Jeopardy, it’s serious Jeopardy. To boil it down, he’s threatening to pull the licenses from any news channels whose news he doesn’t like.”

Kimmel joked that perhaps news organisations and talkshow hosts should take tips from Jake Paul, the YouTuber who recently interviewed Trump.

In response to Paul asking which historical figure he would like to be reincarnated as, the president couldn’t think of anyone besides himself. “I think Donald Trump right now,” he said. “My life is very exciting.”

“What a surprise he would pick himself,” Kimmel said. “I think that’s called me-incarnation.”

Seth Meyers

At the opening of his monologue, Seth Meyers recapped Trump targeting Greenland, and played a January clip of the president claiming that the country’s defences amounted to “two dog sleds”.

“It doesn’t make you sound tough to slam Greenland, an island with a small military,” Meyers commented. “You’re like a wrestler bragging about what you’re about to do to an 85-year-old woman.”

With a track record of alienating Nato, Meyers noted the grim irony of Trump now imploring US allies to help with the war in Iran.

“You call them obsolete, sloppy and fat and now you want their help?” Meyers said. “It’s like breaking up with someone and immediately asking for their help moving.

“At this point, you could probably make the case that this is going so badly because Trump mixed up the plans for war with Iran and war with Greenland.”

On the president’s comments that the war would be over when he feels it “in my bones”, Meyers said: “I wouldn’t trust your bones to feel anything, buddy.

“Your Jell-O bones are barely capable of keeping you upright for an entire speech. You spent the entire State of the Union clutching the podium like Jack clutching that piece of wood at the end of Titanic.

“Seriously, are you caught in a riptide or something?” Meyers continued. “Why are you white knuckling the podium like my grandma on a rollercoaster?”

The host closed out by suggesting that allies should give the president a taste of his own medicine. “You know what Nato should do just to troll him? They should say: ‘OK, we will help,’ and then send him two dog sleds.”

Stephen Colbert

On The Late Show, Stephen Colbert touched on Sunday night’s Oscars and Paul Thomas Anderson’s sweep for One Battle After Another, “which I believe is a dramatic portrayal of a man trying to cancel his Disney+/Hulu bundle”.

Colbert turned to the Iran war, reacting to Trump’s comments that he may order more strikes on the country’s Kharg Island “just for fun”.

“Well sure,” the host deadpanned. “In the famous words of J Robert Oppenheimer: ‘Now I am become death, wheee!’”

Pete Hegseth told the press on Friday that the media were inaccurately reporting the conflict, saying that “war widening” was a fake headline. “Here’s a real headline for a patriotic press,” the defence secretary suggested: “‘Iran shrinking: going underground.’”

“Here’s another fake headline,” Colbert responded. “‘Secretary Hegseth visibly agitated, alcohol on breath.’

“And here’s one for a patriotic press: ‘Secretary Hegseth named diamond member of TGI Friday’s tequila honors program.’”

While the war has made the US unpopular with allies, Trump claimed on Monday that he has received support from “a certain president, who I like actually. A former president who said: ‘I wish I did it.’ But they didn’t do it. I’m doing it.” He wouldn’t identify the former president in question.

“I can’t tell you, but he’s very real,” jokes Colbert, impersonating Trump. “He’s as real as this table. His name is President … Table.”