Jimmy Kimmel on Hegseth’s press conference amid impeachment attempt: ‘doozy of a performance’

Late-night hosts recapped Pete Hegseth’s press conference amid impeachment articles and Stephen Miller’s first day as White House chief of staff.

Jimmy Kimmel

Tuesday marked “another busy day of dumb stuff here in the United States”, said Jimmy Kimmel that evening, including defense secretary – or self-proclaimed “secretary of war” – Hegseth’s press conference after articles of impeachment introduced by outgoing representative Thomas Massie, a Republican from Kentucky.

It was “a doozy of a performance” by the defense secretary. “He did exactly what members of the Trumper-verse do when they find themselves in a situation like this,” said Kimmel. “He smeared on the ChapStick. He got down on his knees and kissed the royal ass.”

As Hegseth put it at the podium on Tuesday: “We’ve never had a better commander-in-chief. Full stop. I get to watch him every day. He lives and breathes ‘America first’.”

“Any day he’ll have me, I’ll be right here at this podium,” he added.

“Well in that case, I now pronounce you husband and wife,” Kimmel joked. “That may have been the most romantic speech I’ve ever heard given by a secretary of war. Look out, Melania! Pretty Pete’s gunnin’ for your spot!”

Later on Tuesday, Republicans in the House voted to postpone the impeachment vote on Hegseth, instead referring it to committee. “Which means somebody’s having a shot of impeach-flavored schnapps at the Pentagon tonight, if you know what I mean,” the host quipped.

Seth Meyers

And on Late Night, Seth Meyers also opened with the articles of impeachment against Hegseth brought by Massie, who said on the House floor: “Peter Brian Hegseth thus warrants impeachment and trial, removal from office and disqualification to hold and enjoy any office.”

“Oh man, you know someone’s mad when they call you your full name,” said Meyers. “Even today, if my mom called me Seth Adam Meyers, I would go straight to my room.”

Donald Trump, meanwhile, spent the first half of the week questioning the results of the election on Truth Social. “Oh yeah, because there’s no way someone as qualified as Darline Graham could’ve lost,” Meyers deadpanned, referring to the defeated Republican Senate candidate in South Carolina. “She’s someone’s sister!”

In his forthcoming memoir, Joe Biden details his meeting in the Oval Office with Trump after the 2024 election, and says that Trump told him they “would’ve been good friends” if “not for politics”.

“What? How would they even have met?” Meyers said. “You really think this guy would’ve been allowed on the Amtrak quiet car?”

In other news, Monday marked Stephen Miller’s first day as White House chief of staff, “which is bad news for America, great news for his understudy at Rocky Horror Picture Show”, Meyers quipped.

Miller has at least one fan in RFK Jr, the president’s health and human services secretary, who praised the promotion and called on Miller to “unleash the Kraken”.

“So, first of all, the expression is ‘release the Kraken,’” Meyers corrected. “And secondly, you only want him to release the Kraken so you can catch it and grill it.”

The host then turned to news that Trump’s wife, Melania, will star in a two-part docu-series from Amazon Prime Video. “Perfect for anyone who wants to learn more about her,” Meyers joked next to a photo of her husband.

And Elon Musk announced last week that Tesla will wind down production of its controversial Cybertruck. “So now if you want to get one, you’ll have to drive all the way down to the divorce court parking lot,” said Meyers.