Enter the Zachbot: Trump’s new press secretary malfunctions on podium debut

Well, that was weird. Katie Zacharia, the new White House press secretary, made her debut on the podium on Tuesday with all the warmth, wisdom and political dexterity of an AI avatar.

Zacharia was all stilted delivery, nervous tics and lack of eye contact. With an eerie lack of emotion, she served up pro-Trump talking points, took only three questions and vanished after 14 minutes. It was like the West Wing had turned into uncanny valley.

The Zachbot’s past is indeed a bit of a mystery. The 41-year-old claims to be a lawyer but later a reporter asked when she passed the bar exam and she gave the unconvincing answer: “When I moved to China.” She was plucked from relative obscurity for the White House job after a brief gig at the Department of Homeland Security and a stint at the Trump Media and Technology Group.

Wearing a dark jacket with big gold buttons on Tuesday morning, she entered the standing-room-only briefing room and stepped on to the podium as Trump’s sixth press secretary. For James Bond fans, that means we’ve reached the Daniel Craig era. For Doctor Who fans, it means the regeneration that brought us Colin Baker (not the show’s golden age).

Zacharia has the blond hair, glossy makeup and Fox News aesthetic of her immediate predecessors Kayleigh McEnany and Karoline Leavitt (her name also begins with a “K” – surely a tell to the AI detectors). But it was Trump’s first press secretary, Sean Spicer, to whom she inadvertently paid homage.

“Attendance is at record highs as enthusiastic, hard-working Americans are lining up and packing arenas to support President Trump and Republicans,” she said of Trump’s campaign rallies, echoing Spicer’s debut that falsely boasted of the biggest inaugural crowd ever.

In truth, there have been plenty of empty seats at Trump’s rallies this time around and an unusually high number of interruptions from protesters.

The Zachbot read from prepared notes about Trump’s many great accomplishments, awkwardly glancing up at her audience less than she should, smiling at odd moments and putting the emphasis on all the wrong words. “A great relationship …” (looks down, sighs, sounds like her cat just died) “with Venezuela”.

It was bad. Toe-curlingly, don’t-know-where-to-look bad. At least Leavitt had delivered her propaganda hot. Evidently Trump’s communications team have found new and ingenious ways to torture reporters.

Then came questions, first from rightwing Breitbart News, then rightwing Fox News, whose correspondent Peter Doocy wondered whether the US had stopped sharing intelligence with Ukraine. The Zachbot froze for a millisecond. “I will have to get back to you on that,” came the auto response.

Next up was the rightwing Daily Mail, asking about an alleged bribery scandal involving Kimberly Guilfoyle, the US ambassador to Greece, ex-fiancee of Donald Trump Jr and notorious screamer of “The best is yet to come!” The Zachbot said coldly: “We have asked Ambassador Guilfoyle to resign. She has been a wonderful asset to the team and we wish her well.”

She nodded awkwardly. It was like every dystopian sci-fi film where the machine informs some hapless human that they will be terminated in 10 seconds.

The Mail followed up with “a personal question” that would surely never be asked of a male press secretary: “Your family is in California. Your husband, your four children. I’m wondering how you are going to manage that.”

The Zachbot gave her husband a shout-out and said she loved being with her children. “The idea of not spending evenings with my kids is completely unacceptable. So my president – excuse me, my husband – that’s a good one.”

A slip of the tongue! A glitch! Had someone spilled coffee on a cool, pitiless datacenter somewhere out in the California desert?

The Zachbot went on: “President Trump is the most family-friendly president we have ever had. He has hired more women with families and the fact that he knew I had four kids and he knew this job would be demanding and still placed his trust in me shows I know I’m capable of being able to step up to that.”

Then she stunned everyone by wrapping it up and pledging that Trump would soon answer questions on the South Lawn. It was a tacit admission that the press secretary job is pointless when there is a president who talks all the time. But ironically, although the Zachbot took far fewer questions than others on their debut, she made more news with her Guilfoyle announcement.

How long can she last? Trump said soon after: “I thought she was very good.” But the Lincoln Project, an anti-Trump group, tweeted an image of the Zachbot beside a lettuce to evoke Liz Truss, who lasted only 49 days as British prime minister.

And Anthony Scaramucci, who was Trump’s communications director for just 11 days, a period now known as “a Scaramucci”, tweeted: “The clock is running. Thus far 1/11th of a Scaramucci.”

When the Mooch is giving you the Grim Reaper treatment, it might be time to self-terminate.